Someone to Stand Next to

Dear Person, I can’t thank you enough. The good news is, I don’t think I need to. It won’t keep me from trying, though… (in no particular order)   Thank you for being patient with me. I know your time is precious. Thank you for not running away or trying to strangle me when I’ve ...

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma, I don’t know how to do this. I can’t remember the last time I wrote someone a letter. I wrote business e-mails and notes to friends, and I bought a paper notebook that I intend on throwing away when it’s full, but nothing to a person. Nik used to write to Sam, or ...

Like a New Pair of Jeans

Things are slowing down and speeding up. When I saw my best friend a couple of weeks ago, he asked me how I was. I understood what the point of his question was, and told him that I was good. I said that I felt like I was through the worst of it and had ...

Slow Down / Don’t Be Afraid

When I was a teenager, I got put on acne medication (called “Accutane”) by my mother. I didn’t have an acne problem, but my older brother had one and this medication had cleared him right up. What the medication did, in a nutshell, was shrink your oil gland so that your body would produce less ...

“It’s a beautiful song, but not for a wedding.”

It wasn’t long before the split that this song was getting popular, and it still is. I must’ve heard it 6 times on the radio this weekend, and each time I thought of the same conversation. She asked if I had heard it. I said I had. She asked if maybe she should come down ...

Music As Memories

For a long time, I’ve had this idea for a blog: “Music As Memories”. The idea is fairly simple. I have a terrible memory. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast this morning. However, certain things can take me back and create the most vivid memories in my head. Sometimes it’s a garage that ...

The Devil Don’t Play Fair

Depressed tonight but without good reason. Too many days without a good workout, lonely, collapsing under the weight of too many little stressful things that have added up over the last year or so. Pick one. I’ll share a secret with you. Something that I almost never admit to. I operate very poorly under pressure. ...

Whatever and Ever Amen

I’m learning to give in…..again. When I look back at my 3 years of dating, I see a pattern. Fight after fight that didn’t make any sense to either party, all caused by me being stubborn because I wanted things to be a certain way. I want to sleep at my apartment and not yours. ...

I don’t dream since I quit sleeping

I think it was the sound of dog paws on the wood floors throughout the house. Maybe it was constant running of the TV in the living room. Perhaps it was simply the size of the house. It doesn’t really matter what it was, but something about Nik’s parents’ house in Santa Rosa reminded me ...

Chaotic Neutral 1

Chaotic Neutral
Once again, my life feels stuck. However, this time it’s for completely different reasons. A few months ago, I wanted so badly to have something to look forward to. This is a common trick for dealing with depression. Make plans for something in the not-too-distant future and you give yourself a reason for each day, ...